Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
