It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
