I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
