i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
