Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize