My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
