Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
