my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
