hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't deserve a penis
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
