dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
