I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
