You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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