He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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