You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize