I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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