nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I can't turn off my feet"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
