I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
