mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
