oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
