You work out of a Hotel?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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