Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
