I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize