I need to stop coming to work sober
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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