What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
