I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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