hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
