just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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