dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
