I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
