help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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