is your mom at the bar?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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