saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
