I just pynch a tree in the face
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
