how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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