i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
we're making bets on your personal life
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
All I want is dick and wine.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
