it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
