Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
