i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize