So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
