She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
