just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
