Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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