everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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