btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
