My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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