I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
