His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
