Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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