how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
