He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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