it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
