I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
