do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
smell my finger.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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