there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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