Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
