After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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