in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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