Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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