Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
