I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We got so high we made milksteak
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
