I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
