i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
