If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
