By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
