What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
