I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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