okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
